I’ve thought a lot about motherhood lately.
Some days I feel
Satan robs my joy of motherhood because of all the seemingly mundane tasks that
each day holds: preparing food, changing another diaper, cleaning another
spill. Then there’s the frustration of having little time to myself, surviving
on less sleep than I would like, etc. However, I’ve been convicted lately to
rebuke Satan out of these areas. He’s not allowed in our home, nor in our
lives. We aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean I can open the gaps for him to
sneak in. Does it happen when we aren’t looking? Certainly. But he’s evicted
real quick.
I feel torn sometimes. I see articles where those moms make
all the pretty crafts for their kids, fun looking lunches, trips and outings,
and seem to give their kids 100% of their attention. They do EVERYTHING for
their children…is it wrong to say that that’s just not me? These articles
conflict me because I’M NOT THAT MOM.
Two months ago I started working as a Beachbody Coach. I
have arranged my “work hours” during the day mainly to times when my toddler is
napping or asleep for the night. However, I DO need that half hour in the
morning and afternoon when he’s away to catch up on emails and check in on
coach stuff. I feel guilty half of the time, like I’m neglecting my child and
somehow setting him up for failure if he sees mommy on her phone or computer
for 10 minutes. I feel guilty as he clings to my legs for the bazillionth time
that morning while I try and get dinner in the crock pot. I feel guilty when I
have to set him down to make us a snack, because some things just need two
hands to get the job done. I feel guilty when I have no desire to go up and down
the stairs 20 times in a row.
HOWEVER, I was reminded today, by a gentle tap from The
Lord, that I do what I do BECAUSE of my family. I want to honor God with our
lifestyle FOR my family. I do my job because it gives me that outlet to help
others and pursue my passion. I exercise FOR ME to be healthy, so I can BE
THERE for my family, and set that example. I prepare that healthy snack and
crock pot meal because I want my family healthy and have energy, and we are to
honor our bodies because they’re a temple. I take my son outside to play, and
we read books, and go up and down the stairs 5 times in a row because I want
him to grow and explore. He needs to see mommy in day to day life, and I let
him in be a part of that. Am I perfect? Most certainly not. Do I hold myself to
a level of perfection? Yep. And that needs to stop. The buck stops here. I say this with tears in my eyes, that I
REFUSE to let Satan have even a toenail in our home. He will NOT steal my joy
in the journey of motherhood. I will PRAY through every day and every moment
that The Lord would give me strength to lay aside my selfishness and give what
I need for my child and my husband. My actions won’t change much, because
that’s not the problem. My attitude WILL change, though, because that’s my
biggest fault. “Lord, give me strength for the journey. Please instill in me a
fire and joy for motherhood. I pray for my toddler that he would see his mommy
and daddy and gain a level of understanding. Please help me not wish my child
were different, but pray through the moments and give me grace, so that I may
give him grace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!”
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